Thoughts

It’s been a while since I logged in, and sometimes I can’t help but scoff a little at how consistent I am over the years, that some things don’t change. I tend to feel an urge to blog when I have a lot on my mind, as though I feel the need to release some of that emotions / thoughts out into the world as a way to find my balance again, which is why a lot of my posts tend to sound . . . emo. 🙂

I was just looking at my drafts, and found one dated 11 December 2024, on how terrified (and excited) I was about something I was going to embark on. I had finished writing the post, but hesitated on hitting that ‘publish’ button, as if doing so would ‘jinx’ it somewhat. Well, I just published it. Belatedly.

It feels almost surreal to think that I’ve done it and come back. And to think of everything I’ve achieved, lost, and found in the year away. It was a time of stepping forward, going backwards, circling in no direction for me. There’s still a lot to unpack from that experience, some of which I’d hold so close to my heart for the rest of my life, for good or for worse, I don’t know.

For now, it seems like I might put forth a tentative foot back into the world of blogging.

在長年夏日的國度裡，沒有四季分明一說。時間的流逝的真切感不是來自於天氣和大自然的變化，而是由心情來劃分。人生起起伏伏，不能事事如意。有似春風花開的季節，也有難忍的酷寒。這一次心中的冬天來得太突然，讓人措手不及。本以為就是刮刮風，下下雨，但是暴風雪就那麼突然的降臨了。來得快，去得快。留下一望無際的霧，和殘破不堪的一切。

說起來也挺好笑的，總在心情低落時才想寫部落格，以致大多數的篇章都好像顯得特別鬱鬱寡歡。今天突然想起，翻出我在網絡某一角留下的部落格。那裡記載了某年某月的一些感慨、一絲惆悵。似乎把記憶封鎖在文字裡。除了網址，我也忘了登入信息，也沒有想去刪掉或是登入。感覺一縷魂魄消散在茫茫大海裡。挺好的。既然來興致了，就讀了幾篇。有些痛記憶猶新，有些缺以釋然。因為我都寫得有些模擬兩可，甚至有幾篇我都不太清楚文字裡埋著的到底是哪一段記憶。

都說時間是良藥，能撫平一切的過往。也許吧。很多以前特別介意的事，現在想起來也沒什麼。那時候的迷惘有些也不復存在了。我看到了我的成長，時間的治癒。當時特別傷心的事，現在也能一笑而過。

突然間就覺得我應該繼續寫部落格。有朝一日，再回顧現在的心情和遭遇，我是否也能淡然處之？

要釋懷，一般有兩種辦法：理性的、感性的。但在感情分裂時，好像都不管用。當一方決定放手，原有的一切就破碎了。本就看不見，摸不著的東西，也在一瞬消失了，哪還有釋懷一說呢？當原本屬於兩人的交際生生的裂開了，它就不存在了。

所以能做的，往往只有接.受.。為何要在中間加個點呢？真的就是字面上的：承接對方給予的痛、受著。有些人與事太過於荒唐，想著想著也是徒勞。如果你選擇衡量對方的一些好與壞，也抵不過同樣的結果。

所以只能接.受.，再接受。